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July 15, 2012
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"You haven't lived"


"You need to get out of this fantasy and into the real world"


"It's the internet; you need to talk to real people, face to face!"


"I'm worried you're getting pulled into this, you can't trust people on the internet"


"You need to get out of those forums, go out and live"



These are some of the things said to me on a near daily basis.


I have something to say about it funnily enough.



I haven't lived.


Just because it isn't your definition of living doesn't mean I haven't lived.


I've seen your definition of living and I HATE it.


I don't want to go out every weekend shopping or whatever.


I don't want to go drinking, I hate alcohol.


I don't want to meet boys, or girls, people disgust me sometimes.


I don't want to dress up and cake myself in makeup to impress some vain girls or drunkard boys.


I don't want to go to parties all the time


I don't want that definition of living.



I want to stay inside sometimes.


I want to have meaningful conversations with people.


I want to just be an idiot with my friends in private or public.


I want to wear my scruffy jeans and oversized jumpers.


I want to put my hair in a messy ponytail regardless of the fact it makes me look like a bag lady.


I want to be able to choose when to go out with people.


I want to be able to hang around with a boy and not be accused of dating them.


I want to be able to be me.



But you don't seem to want to let me.


This fantasy? In a fantasy everything is fake.


Some of the people I've met online? They're the realest people in the world.


They don't hide behind makeup and jewellery.


They don't talk crap behind my back.


They actually listen to me, regardless of what I'm saying.


I've been through more with these people than you will ever know of.


I've been through makeups and break-ups.


I've talked people down from ledges.


I've stopped people from ending their life.


And that isn't "real" enough for you?



How about those people at school?


Those girls who cake themselves in makeup and wear clothes that barely count as fabric tubes?


Those boys who hurt people and manipulate them?


Those people who ignore my existence?


Are they "real" enough for you?



Those people that hate me.


Versus those people that love me.


Which ones are "real"?



This "real" world of yours,


It's full of hate


And violence


And hurt.


This "fantasy" world of mine,


It's full of kind,


Amazing,


Wise people.



I would rather have my fantasy, thanks.



Real people.


Define that, please.


Because I'm confused.


Are these people I talk to imaginary?


Are these people who have faced hate crimes and unimaginable pain not real to you?


I've met people who have been through so much.


And it was easy to talk to them because we weren't judging each other on our looks etc.


These people give you a chance and don't judge you like the so called "real" people do.


Talking to people face to face is hard


Because nowadays all people do is judge you by your looks before they know you.


I'm not you, I'm not confident or outgoing, if I was made to talk to someone face to face I would probably piss myself I would be so anxious.


You've seen what being around these "real" people does to me.


It drains me,


It tires me.


It hurts me.



But when you're with your online friends, you don't need to worry, they won't judge you, and they're there for you.



I can't trust people on the internet?


Honestly, I trust people on the internet more than I trust my own mother.


</B>

Never once have I met an untrustworthy person online.


But in real life? I find it impossible to find a trustworthy person.


There are people online who I would trust with my life, and there are people online who trust me with theirs.



The internet isn't a cult, or a religion, its just people being themselves, you can't get pulled into something.



And lastly, I was never in those forums, I don't hang around all day in a chatroom waiting for random people to show up.


Half the time I'm online, I'm doing something productive; studying, drawing, LEARNING.


The other half of the time? I'm helping people.


Teaching them, learning from them, being there for them.


I've learned more online than I ever have in school.


School doesn't teach you how to sustain yourself for less than five pounds a week.


School doesn't teach you that you should dream big.


School doesn't teach you that you are you and that's all that matters.


It really doesn't.



I know that you think this is a phase that I will grow out of.


But I would just like to say that you are never too young to know who you are.


I know who I am, I know what im doing, I know where im going.


The internet doesn't change a thing; all it's done is teach me more about myself.


Without the internet, I would still be me, just more clueless and friendless.



It doesn't matter what you think living is.


I like my fantasy just fine thanks.


I wouldn't know half the stuff I know without it.

oh dear,that got kind of ranty ^^; sorry.
i just felt like i needed to respond to what my mother said to me while i was coming out as transgender and asexual.
because i know who i am,its not a phase and the internet has only solidified what i already knew.
EDIT: i would just like to say that i do infact go outside and i do have freinds and i do socialize despite the fact it is physically and emotionally tiring to me because i am an introvert, but i am no hermit.
just sayin' , some of you seemed to be a bit confused about that and had gotten the impression that im one of those teenagers that stays inside staring at a computer screen all day,and while i do this most days,i dont do it all the time and i do have a social life(albiet a small one since i have only two close freinds whom i spend time with outside of school)
and the fact that i live in one of the coldest, wettest places on earth does not really give me the chance to go outside very often.
okay,im done rambling now.
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:iconishmaaail:
this is just what i need to shove in my mums face because its true and no one can object to that.

p.s. It's amasing
Reply
:iconthetimevortex:
TheTimeVortex Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This should be put everywhere.
Because it is very, VERY true.
Thank you for making this.
Reply
:iconbrooke-jasmine:
brooke-jasmine Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love this.
It's so honest, and I agree so much..
People who hate the internet are those who don't understand and those who are scared...
People who get sucked in perhaps don't use their head properly..


... I write my best late at night also (:
Reply
:iconruetris:
RueTris Dec 21, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I know exactly how you feel. Everyone always says the same things to me too. And I trust the people here more then anyone in 'real' life. Love it. :)
Reply
:iconutadahime-chan12:
I feel your pain. I prefer staying home most of the time. My parents tell me that I have to interact more....but sometimes I think it sucks. I hate residing in a society where the rules are "judge first, get to know never"; people behind a laptop are far more friendlier than some of the people I've met outside....
Reply
:iconsolarapple:
SolarApple Jul 17, 2012  Student General Artist
Sounds like a graduation speech. :D YES.
Reply
:icondiggergoth:
DiggerGoth Jul 17, 2012  Student General Artist
You are now my hero! I am really tempted to punch this into some of my friends faces :)
But I am not violent so I'll probably just let them read it :)
Reply
:icongabbigale-thegoober:
Gabbigale-TheGoober Jul 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I LOVE this!!!! I get crap all of the time for being online for countless hours! Ppl have no idea what i've been through and what i continue to go through and how much the internet has helped me! I really appreciate this and if u ever feel like talking to me about things i will be here for u!
Reply
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