"You haven't lived"
"You need to get out of this fantasy and into the real world"
"It's the internet; you need to talk to real people, face to face!"
"I'm worried you're getting pulled into this, you can't trust people on the internet"
"You need to get out of those forums, go out and live"
These are some of the things said to me on a near daily basis.
I have something to say about it funnily enough.
I haven't lived.
Just because it isn't your definition of living doesn't mean I haven't lived.
I've seen your definition of living and I HATE it.
I don't want to go out every weekend shopping or whatever.
I don't want to go drinking, I hate alcohol.
I don't want to meet boys, or girls, people disgust me sometimes.
I don't want to dress up and cake myself in makeup to impress some vain girls or drunkard boys.
I don't want to go to parties all the time
I don't want that definition of living.
I want to stay inside sometimes.
I want to have meaningful conversations with people.
I want to just be an idiot with my friends in private or public.
I want to wear my scruffy jeans and oversized jumpers.
I want to put my hair in a messy ponytail regardless of the fact it makes me look like a bag lady.
I want to be able to choose when to go out with people.
I want to be able to hang around with a boy and not be accused of dating them.
I want to be able to be me.
But you don't seem to want to let me.
This fantasy? In a fantasy everything is fake.
Some of the people I've met online? They're the realest people in the world.
They don't hide behind makeup and jewellery.
They don't talk crap behind my back.
They actually listen to me, regardless of what I'm saying.
I've been through more with these people than you will ever know of.
I've been through makeups and break-ups.
I've talked people down from ledges.
I've stopped people from ending their life.
And that isn't "real" enough for you?
How about those people at school?
Those girls who cake themselves in makeup and wear clothes that barely count as fabric tubes?
Those boys who hurt people and manipulate them?
Those people who ignore my existence?
Are they "real" enough for you?
Those people that hate me.
Versus those people that love me.
Which ones are "real"?
This "real" world of yours,
It's full of hate
This "fantasy" world of mine,
It's full of kind,
I would rather have my fantasy, thanks.
Define that, please.
Because I'm confused.
Are these people I talk to imaginary?
Are these people who have faced hate crimes and unimaginable pain not real to you?
I've met people who have been through so much.
And it was easy to talk to them because we weren't judging each other on our looks etc.
These people give you a chance and don't judge you like the so called "real" people do.
Talking to people face to face is hard
Because nowadays all people do is judge you by your looks before they know you.
I'm not you, I'm not confident or outgoing, if I was made to talk to someone face to face I would probably piss myself I would be so anxious.
You've seen what being around these "real" people does to me.
It drains me,
It tires me.
It hurts me.
But when you're with your online friends, you don't need to worry, they won't judge you, and they're there for you.
I can't trust people on the internet?
Honestly, I trust people on the internet more than I trust my own mother.
Never once have I met an untrustworthy person online.
But in real life? I find it impossible to find a trustworthy person.
There are people online who I would trust with my life, and there are people online who trust me with theirs.
The internet isn't a cult, or a religion, its just people being themselves, you can't get pulled into something.
And lastly, I was never in those forums, I don't hang around all day in a chatroom waiting for random people to show up.
Half the time I'm online, I'm doing something productive; studying, drawing, LEARNING.
The other half of the time? I'm helping people.
Teaching them, learning from them, being there for them.
I've learned more online than I ever have in school.
School doesn't teach you how to sustain yourself for less than five pounds a week.
School doesn't teach you that you should dream big.
School doesn't teach you that you are you and that's all that matters.
It really doesn't.
I know that you think this is a phase that I will grow out of.
But I would just like to say that you are never too young to know who you are.
I know who I am, I know what im doing, I know where im going.
The internet doesn't change a thing; all it's done is teach me more about myself.
Without the internet, I would still be me, just more clueless and friendless.
It doesn't matter what you think living is.
I like my fantasy just fine thanks.
I wouldn't know half the stuff I know without it.